WASHINGTON—In a dire health emergency that forced staffers to quickly mobilize to save the Cabinet member’s life, Health Secretary Robert F. Kennedy Jr. was reportedly rushed to the gym Friday after suffering a sudden heart attack. “Quick, get him on an elliptical, now! He’s fading!” said HHS staffer Kathy Guiles, attempting to hook the secretary […]

The post RFK Jr. Rushed To Gym After Heart Attack appeared first on The Onion.

LOS ANGELES—Reminding the mother-to-be that everything she did now could have consequences for her unborn child, local obstetrician-gynecologist Dr. Carol Koenig reportedly warned Call Her Daddy host Alex Cooper on Friday to avoid public feuds during her first trimester of pregnancy. “While the fetus is still in this early developmental phase, it’s best to avoid […]

The post Ob-Gyn Warns Alex Cooper To Avoid Public Feuds In First Trimester appeared first on The Onion.